When you’re no longer in the first throws of romance, it’s normal for sex to fall off your list of priorities. But you can rebuild intimacy. Check out the tips below for some good ideas that could help you get that spark back.
Get nostalgic. Remember when you first got together and share memories of those early days. Recapture some of that ‘spark’ by recreating fond moments; visit an old haunt, get dressed up for dinner, or simply set the alarm 10 minutes early so you can enjoy a cuddle before work.
Get competitive. A pillow fight or a heated game of Scrabble is not only fun, it can make your relationship feel more exciting.
Do something daring. Anything from watching a scary movie to skinny dipping on holiday – the adrenaline and shared feeling of vulnerability can help bring you closer.
Flirt. As the years pass by some couples feel more like friends than partners. Try to be bolder in your shows of affection and let your partner know you still find them attractive – flirting reminds you of that sexual connection you share.
Talk more. The more you have open conversations the more comfortable you’ll both be raising issues around sex. The closer you feel to each other, the more intimate you will feel.
Make nice gestures. Compliments, buying their favourite food at the supermarket, or texting during the day to tell them you’re thinking of them can all help remind your partner of the affection between you.
Don’t make it all about sex. Remember that not all moments of intimacy and affection lead to sex; if your partner only associates affection from you as an attempt to have sex then intimacy will break down.
Think about your surroundings. A messy bedroom, harsh lighting or dirty bed linen won’t help get you in the mood. Have a tidy up and do your best to create a romantic atmosphere you can both relax in. A few candles and a home-cooked meal might help.
Touch. Oxytocin, a chemical in our bodies responsible for bonding in relationships, increases when you touch someone. It’s thanks to oxytocin that something as simple as holding hands or giving your partner a peck on the cheek can help build intimacy.
Have realistic expectations. No one has a Hollywood relationship, and while it may look like all your friends are enjoying fulfilling sex lives, no one ever knows what goes on behind closed doors. Analysing other relationships will only set you up for disappointment, instead try to focus on what your partner does do for you, not what they don’t.
If you or your loved one would like to create a more intimate and kinder relationship, Brenda can help. Brenda has over 25 years experience and is a Certified Relational Life Master Therapist and is trained in Gottman Couple therapy. You and your partner deserve the loving relationship you desire.